the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
