i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
