Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
