It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
