I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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