she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
