my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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