Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
