As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
