His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
