so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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