Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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