there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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