I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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