yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
