He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
