But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
