I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
