the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
