In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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