I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
