Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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