he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
