She is in my trunk
...so i touched it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
