Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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