Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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