Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
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I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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