Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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