i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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