And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
