I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
