I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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