she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
