I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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