So many bounce houses so little time
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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