Nicole vs. Life
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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