I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
