I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!