i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.