My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?