My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i think im in europe. pls send help