I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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