Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize