My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
