If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
