Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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