ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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