Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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