Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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