jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
