i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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