I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize