Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
