you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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