If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
