Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize