were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
