am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
