I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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