people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize