Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
