she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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