sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm too high and old for this...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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