i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
