ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
