I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
