Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
