This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
