i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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