I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
