so explain again why im purple
no
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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