we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
