I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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