Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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