Will you blow on my dice?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
