my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
